It was a Fantabulous and Hilarious Saturday Night Laugh Riot with Stand Up Comedian Rohan Joshi at the Club ! He simply brought the house down with his Laugh -a -second Act and made ‘Bakras’ of my Wife and me as we were the Goats with Friend Goats sitting in the Front Row ! ~ and we enjoyed it ! ~ more so as it was Free for Members !
The Comedy Act Night began just past 8 pm on the Main Club Lawns last night and we wished it could have gone on past 10.15 pm !
Amol Ranadive was the Introducer but quite an entertaining Stand Up himself….picked on two old men in the second row who both said they were retired and one was a Tailor before Retirement ~ “How did a Tailor get this Club’s Membership !?”wondered Ranadive aloud ~ and then he picked on me ! ” You Sir don’t look retired !” and I responded “I too am retired !” and the House laughed …“He’s messing with me !” complained Ranadive….Of course he refused to let me have the last word ! and I told him I was a an Equity Advisor and Trainer ~ he asked if I worked at Goldman Sachs to which I said they were too downmarket ! No ‘Gold’ in them any longer and I headed my own JV ~ It was then that my Friend came in late and she walked across the Stage to come sit with us and Ranadive did not spare her ~ politely asked her if he could get her a drink or anything …even a Watch !
Then came on Aditi Mittal ~ she is a Friend of the Friends who were with us ~ she was Warm and Good in parts with her Ms India Jokes saving her Act where they give Titles for anything these days and all Contestants return with Gifts and the Judges too are not of any stature ….She’s from the Suburbs and clearly seemed to have a Complex on South Mumbai which was expressed more than once
Then Amol Ranadive once again did a few minutes of his own hilarity before introducing the Nights’s Star Rohan Joshi
Believe me Rohan Joshi is truly a superb Stand Up Comedian ~ A Class Act which you should make a point to go see when an Opportunity beckons and enjoy ~I’ve never seen my Wife laughing like this with even Tears streaming down her face ! ~ this last happened when she married me and made me a ‘bakra’ 25 years ago !
Rohan’s repertoire spread from Politics to the Uttrakhand Floods to Religion to Sex to the IPL and to how we Indians have screwed the English Language and are the World’s worst Travellers and even not sparing the Tele Advertising and Children Serials on TV and even Automated Parking Tolls and Shoe Shops
And I must confess I had not heard any of his punches and Jokes before ~ the guy’s original ! ~ and that’s makes him a Class above the Others !
He credited Rahul Gandhi for his success ! saying that a prerequisite to being a good Stand Up Act is to first be a Journalist like he was ! Every Morning’s News is fertile ground for Humour ~ Like Rahul Gandhi when addressing the Students at a Punjab Agricultural University claimed ” 7 out of every 10 Punjabis are on Drugs !” ~ Rohan wondered from where did he get this Stats ~ “this only happens at Honey Singh’s House Parties ! ” he quipped ~ and Rahul Gandhi must realise that his own PM is high too as he just sways his head in a stupor with a gentle smile when any question is posed to him on the Nation’s Dilemmas ~ Rohan demonstrated how
And I had noticed the Congress Spokesman,Sanjay Jha in the audience too a few rows behind us ! Was half expecting him to get up and interrupt as he nauseously does on TV Debates and Panels while trying to defend his Party !
While on Drugs he said the World is debating to legalise some of them today ~ “In fact even the Bible supports this ! ~ It says on the First Day God Created the Earth,on the second day he created the Planets and all and on the third day he created “Grass !” and that it why it took him till the Sixth day to Create Man !”
“And a Customs guy goes onto a Ship and opens up one Container and knifes one of the Bags in it and out pours Johnsons Baby Powder…one lick of it and he exclaims “Yeh toh Drugs hai !” just like in the CID Serial when the CID Guy looks at a Corpse and says “Yeh toh Laash Hai “…there are 80 such Containers !…Actually all you need is to get all of India’s 1.2 Billion addicted is just 8 suitcases of LSD !…and these are 80 Containers !…Pablo Escobar must be licking his lips and saying “We must be in India !”
Rohan says he’s soon going to be “ostrazised from his Gujju Community because they found him first eating Non Veg,then Drinking Alcohol and Finally Paying his Taxes !”
And on the Uttarakhand Floods he mocked the headlines ” Ranveer Singh and Sonakshi Sinha symphatise with the Flood Victims ” …”Wow ! what if Sonakshi Sinha had not sympathised or Ranveer Singh sitting in his Living Room had expressed “Good , got Rid of some !” !? Who cares what they thought or said ! Of course we all sympathised!”
And he says he’s not ashamed to say he loves the IPL ~” and this year we have had ‘Fixing’ ! In earlier times we had Big names associated with match fixing like Jadeja,Hansie Cronje and even Dawood ! ~ but now we have Sreesanth ! ~ the guy does not even know if he’s in the Playing 11 the next day !….and headlines read “The Real Link in Match Fixing is Vindoo Dara Singh !” ~ Who !? the only real link Vindoo has is with our Evolution where we had crouching Apes first and standing Apes evolved later into Man….Vindoo actually came somewhere in between and has set us back 50 million years !”
And what the hell is this new IPL Song “Jumping Jhapak ! ~ must have been written by a Drunk Lyricist who got up and realised it works and probably is the only one where every word in the Lyrics begins with the same letter ! ~ and we have a Dance too that Farah Khan has choreographed on it and if you dont do it right she will come with a bat and whack you even when you’re in the Shower !”
Here’s when he picked on me again ” Sir,how would you like Farah Khan entering your Shower !!?” ~ and he tells the crowd how excited I am ! but I replied ” Not Farah Khan !” Then who “Sajid Khan !? “ he quipped ” Man ! any Float that Moves Your Boat !”
He poked fun at late night Tele Advertising ~ the Products that are endorsed by out of Work Actors even the Chinese say ” Dude we don’t make these !”
Even TV Shows ~ how in the past Children grew up on ‘He-Man’ ~ what a name ! can understand Spiderman and Batman as the source of their Super Powers came Spiderlike and Batlike abilities but He-Man !? where does he get his powers from !? His Manliness !?…Oh I’ll f… them tonight so they won’t trouble you again ! ~and then we now have so many Children Options like ‘Ben 10’ which sound more like a Gujarati Gangrape !
He Hates Religion ~ “Muslims hate Christians and Christians hate Muslims and Buddhists say keep us out of this as we discovered this over 2000 years ago and so we are silent and if you want us you’ll find us under the Tree ! ~ Christians realised that only America would read their God’s word and therefore just Ten sentences on one sheet of Paper would be enough ! anything more would not even be read or understood ! So it was Thou shall not Cheat,Thou shall not Steal…thou shall not mess around with Samuel Jackson !…… Hindus hate everyone ~ even other Hindus ! ~ Religion has created Huge Divides and Intolerance ~ and does anyone dare crack a Joke on Muslims !? ~ They are feeling left out ! ~ it’s racist to leave them out of Jokes ! ~ Just imagine how we have stereotyped them ! Can you imagine 5 Buddhists as Terrorists who attack 5 Star Hotels ~ If they actually walk into one and confront you all they will state is “Luxury is an Illusion ! Shun it !”
Like If you faced a Vampire you can hold a Cross and be saved ~ What would Hindus do !? Throw the Ganga Jal !”
Then he picked on me and asked me If I was Married and I enquired “You Mean to a Vampire !?” ~ “What other kind is there anyway !” he quipped ! ~ ” and is that your Lovely Wife next to you” ~ “Yes that’s my Lovely Vampire “ I replied ~ “What are your names ?” ~ ” Oh ! she’s Vampire and I’m Gaurav !” ~ “How Long have you been Married?” ~ “25 Years” ~ and he got the House to applaud us ~ “and most of these years must have been arguments ?” he asked~ Wife nodded in agreement while I just kept quiet ! ~ he mocked these sentiments on stage for all and then I told him ” Marriage is the Only War where you sleep with the Enemy !” and he gave me a Thumbs Up and said “I like you Dude !”
Then he cracked a few on Sex ~ “Why are Indians so shy of talking about it or discussing it !? when we gave the world the first elaborate book on it and we are 1.2 billion in population! “~ then he picked up again on Wife and me ! saying he can explain Sex in Economic Terms through Foreign Currency ! “Imagine” he said “that you call what is below the Woman’s Waist “Dollar”” and he asked what is the currency of Vietnam ! ~ “Dong: because it’s quite worthless!” ~ Imagine what is below the Man’s Waist is called a Dong ! “~ Then he tells me straightforwardly ” Dude,Your Wife’s Dollar can get her a Lot of Dongs !” but with your just One Dong all you’ll get is Mr Agarwal !” (an elderly guy he had poked fun at in the audience before !) ~ I don’t know whether the House was laughing more at us or with us !
And he can’t see Indians doing any of the kinky stuff that White People Do ~ he was amazed at an India Today Survey on Sex that revealed that 10% of Indian Men have experienced a Threesome till he read the next Stat that only 3% of Women have experienced a Threesome !..and he said I appreciate all those here who can do the Maths!
Indian Children will not behave like American Children who go shooting their schoolmates because they are scared of their Indian parent waiting at home for them ~ “Imagine this…an Indian School boy comes home late from school and his Father asks him why ! ” Daddy I shot Pintu in school today” ….”When ?”…”after School” …..”Phatak” is sound of the father’s slap that wrings across the Son’s face with the simultaneous exclamation ” That means you did not go for your Maths Tuitions !”
And Indians are the Worst Travellers ~ They travel to go meet Other Indians in Other Countries ! ~ so to get away he went to one end of the Planet, New Zealand where they reckon even 4 people is a Crowd ~ all went well till he was at the Airport Lounge returning to India and a Punjabi Group barged in with the Adults loudly coaxing their children to have one more paratha ! ~ as he was the only other Brown man there they all looked at him and he told them he was not an Indian but was a Pakistani and they should not fear him until the Plane took off !
So the next time he went off to Canada,which is basically” America with an IQ ! “~he went to Toronto and went up the CN Tower and was enjoying the view from 1200 feet till he saw there scraped on the window “Sunny Loves Pammi !”
And how we Indians have jacked the English Language giving it our own Desi flavour….”like Indians don’t move abroad …they ‘settle’ there ! as if they are settling in the mud and are hovering over America for three years before saying “Hey Look a Parking Place and then moving down to it !” ….”and we don’t crack Dirty Jokes …we crack ‘Non Veg’ ones ! …as if Jains are not allowed to crack them ”
“And India must be the only place where you have Malls with these Automated Yellow Parking Toll Machines where there is only a Red Button on them that has to be pressed but we have a Man besides them whose job is not even to press the Button for you but tell you ” Button Dabao !”
And these Shoe Shops where there is a man living in the Ceiling who’s job is to throw Shoes down at you !~ How are these Jobs Interviewed for !? “Accha Khada Raho !…ab Jhoota pheko!….theekh pheka ! Gravity is working around and for you ! You’re hired !”
” And You South Mumbaikars when a Beggar approaches ” Paise nahi dega lekin Biscoot dilayega !”
You guys got to see Rohan Joshi in action ~ He’s a Laugh Riot ! never let’s the Interest drop ! Always has your Attention and Pulse the full Hour ! ~ But do Go with an Open Mind as he has Blunt Views on a Host of Sensitive Issues and Pokes Fun at them and intersperses his Act often with the ‘F’ Word and even the Indian ‘C’ Version ~and sit in the First Row and enjoy being a ‘Bakra’ like we did !
Rohan Joshi is the face of this New Generation of Stand up Comedians and he’s Intelligent,Witty,Contemporary and suave ~ though some may find some of the Humor offensive ! ~ Advice is to just laugh it off !
It was an thoroughly enjoyable Saturday Night as our friends echoed later through a ‘Thank You’ SMS at near 2 am this early morning ! ” Laughter and Friends are the best Painkillers.Enjoyed the Show,the company and the food.Love to U and ….”
If you get a Chance to see Rohan Joshi in Stand Up Action ,Don’t Miss him !
Alright Rohan,I’ve plugged you on my Blog ! ~ now am expecting complimentaries for your next ten shows in Mumbai ! with new content !